


Suffocating

by cobalt_rose



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:15:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27502921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobalt_rose/pseuds/cobalt_rose
Summary: TW//Suicide Attempt
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not edited. There's a chapter 2 because sad endings no no. Also this is lowkey me projecting, sorry Yoshi. :(

I slowly open my eyes to the night sky again, leaning my head back against the low concrete wall, the only thing stopping me from tumbling backwards off the top of the building right now. It’s a very long, very deadly fall, and I have to stop myself from glancing over the edge at how high up I am.

I hardly even notice as the tears start flowing down my face again. I’ve been crying for hours, how do I still have tears left? My eyes are puffy and my face is red, how can I even still see through the tears at this point?

I’ve been up her for so long that it’s night time now. Or was it night when I came up? I don’t remember anymore. Why haven’t the others come looking for me? Why aren’t they scouring the entire building? They don’t care. I’m nothing to them but a shoulder to cry on. A microphone to ramble their problems to.

I need to talk to someone. All my emotions are pent up. Everything is trapped inside of me, and now it’s bursting out. I still remember earlier. I felt myself breaking. But no one was there. No one tried to help.

_“Hyung?” I walked slowly up to Hyunsuk. He was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner. He barely even glanced up before humming in reply. “Can I talk to you?” I asked hesitantly. “Can it wait until after dinner? I don’t want to burn anything.” I mumbled a small okay and went out to the living room._

_On the couch, Haruto, Jeongwoo, and Junghwan were fighting over the remote. I approached them hesitantly, working up the courage to speak, “Do you guys have a minute to talk?” “Later Hyung,” Haruto said, “I wanna finish this episode but these two are trying to change the channel. I sighed in disappointment and made my way down the hall to the first bed room._

_Inside, Yedam and Doyoung were asleep on the bed, the younger practically on top of Yedam. Junkyu was laying on his own bed, scrolling through his phone and running a hand through Mashiho’s hair, while the younger rested comfortably next to him. “Hey can we talk?” I tried to speak, but was shushed by Junkyu, who gestured to the others sleeping in the room. He smiled at me, “Later, okay?”_

_I walked out of the room and walked to the next room down. Jaehyuk and Asahi were standing in the middle of the room, glaring at each other. I glanced between them hesitantly, speaking quietly, “Hey, do you guys have a moment?” “Not now Hyung,” Asahi said, glaring again at Jaehyuk, “Someone still has to apologize for stealing my blanket!” Jaehyuk pouted, “Why do I need to apologize? I borrowed it.”_

_I bit my lip and turned around, not wanting to hear any more of the silly argument. I looked at the last closed door at the end of the hall and sucked in a breath. I walked up to it and knocked hesitantly, turning the knob slowly when I heard a small, “come in.” Inside, Jihoon was sitting at his desk with his back to me, not even looking back as I entered. “Can we talk?” He waved a hand, “i’m working right now. Maybe later.”_

_Discouraged, I closed the door and turned back around, walking back down the hall and into the living room. I walked past where the three maknaes were still tussling on the couch. I walked straight out the front door of the dorm. I made my way down the hall to the stairs, and then made my way up up up, all the way to the roof._

I stare across the roof at the door to the stairs down. It’s completely still in the chilly night air. It doesn’t burst open with my members pouring through, worry written across their faces. It simply sits, unmoving, daring me to stand, walk over, open it, and return back down, down to the dorm, where the maknaes will be fighting, and the couples will be acting like their usual lovey dovey selves, and Hyunsuk Hyung and Jihoon will be arguing about how Hyunsuk inevitably ruined dinner _again_.

Back down to the people I love with all my heart, the people who are my reason to get up every morning, and the reason I smile when going to sleep every night.

The people who don’t listen to me. The people who ignore my existence until they have a problem that needs solving, a question that needs answering. Yet, they’re yet to notice the problem that’s right in front of them. The question they’ve been staring at all this time without even realizing they needed an answer.

They’re so dumb. So, so stupid. Or they don’t care. That’s it, isn’t it. They don’t care, they never did. All they care about is their own lives. Not me.

No, don’t think like that. They care, of course they do. They must, right? Maybe they’re too busy. They all have far more important issues to worry about. You always push the smaller problems to the side to deal with later, right? That makes sense. Of course.

I gasp, sucking in a breath of what tastes like stolen air. I don’t belong here. I shouldn’t be wasting people’s time or resources. I shouldn’t be in everyone’s way.

When did it start raining? It’s like the sky is crying for me. No, the sky would never cry for me. The sky is crying for my members, for them having to deal with me all the time.

I lift myself up off the ground almost unconsciously. That voice in my head, that very very smart voice, the one that tells me when I’m being a burden, it’s speaking to me now. It tells me that I need to get myself out of everyone’s way. **Walk, walk to the edge. Don’t look down. Get up on the wall. It’s not that high, just do it. Don’t look down. Look up at the sky. The stars are gone, don’t you see? You’re not worthy of such beautiful lights as the stars.**

**Now stand up. Look at the building in front of you. No one is watching through the windows. No one cares. Why are you hesitating? What are you waiting for? Don’t look down. It’s not that hard, just do it. Just put one foot forward. Just do it.** **_Why are you doing this to me?_ ** **Stop hesitating. This is what you need to do for everyone else to be happy, don’t you want that?**

**_I’m scared._ ** **Good.** **_I can’t do it_ ** **. Quit acting like a baby. You want them all to be happy, don’t you? You’re so weak, you’re worth nothing to them. You can’t even do this just to make them happy.** **_I want them to be happy_ ** **. Then do it! Don’t look down. Put one foot forward, now.** **_I’m sorry for being a burden to all of you. I love you-_ **

**________________________________________________________________________________________________**


	2. Chapter 2

Hyunsuk sets the last plate of chicken down on the table proudly, clapping his hands, “Everyone, enjoy!” Jihoon looks at him teasingly, “Wow, you finally learned how to cook!” Hyunsuk almost punches him, but Junghwan interrupts by asking for the salt. Yedam yawns tiredly and passes it to the maknae, who smiles gleefully and thanks him.

Asahi and Jaehyuk are still glaring at each other from across the table. Junkyu looks between the pair and rolls his eyes, “Stop fighting you two.” They both ignore him, causing him to give them another unimpressed look, “I swear, if I catch you two cuddling tonight after this I might just move out.” “No one would be opposed to that Hyung,” Doyoung grins at him evilly, and Junkyu looks at him with practically the most murderous gaze, but Hyunsuk interrupts the commotion, “Alright, quit arguing and just enjoy the food.”

Mashiho looks around, peering around each member with a look of slight confusion. Junkyu raises an eyebrow at him, “What’s wrong?” Mashiho looks at the older, “Where’s Yoshi Hyung?” Everyone pauses eating and does their own double take. Sure enough, the oldest of their Japanese members is not present.

“I just saw him earlier,” Hyunsuk says, standing to peer down the hall. The others all mumbled their agreement. Jihoon gets up as well and follows the oldest down the hall. After weaving in and out of each room, the pair return and shake their heads. No luck. Where is he? Everyone is worried by this point. They all rise form their seats, delicious chicken dinner now long forgotten. Asahi pulls out his phone to call the missing member, but Yoshi’s phone only rings from where it’s sat on the coffee table.

The members all stare silently at the ringing phone, until it rings out. Hyunsuk turns to everyone, a serious look on his face. “Mashiho, Junkyu, go see if he went to the other dorm downstairs. Asahi, Jaehyuk, Yedam, Doyoung, head to the YG building and start looking for him there. Jihoon, call the managers, anyone, ask if they’ve seen him, especially within the past hour. Haruto, Jeongwoo, you two stay here in case he comes back. Junghwan, come with me. We’re going to search the building.”

Everyone listens without hesitation. Why would they argue when their member-their  _ brother _ \- is missing? Asahi, Jaehyuk, Yedam, and Doyoung pull on their shoes and coats. It’s started raining now. Hyunsuk grabs Junghwan’s hand, not wanting to lose the younger too, as they rush down the hall in the opposite direction as the others. Hyunsuk doesn’t want to crowd the elevator. He starts to pull Junghwan down the stairs, but Junghwan pulls him back, gasping, “Hyung! The roof!” Hyunsuk gasps too, and the pair rush up the stairs as fast as possible.

Junghwan reaches the top first, bursting through the door without a care if he breaks it off it’s hinges. In the dark, pouring rain, there’s a silhouette standing on the edge. “Hyung!” Junghwan screams, rushing forward. Hyunsuk is close on his heels. Yoshi turns his head back, his eyes widening. It’s clear that his face is wet from more than just rain water. His hair and clothes appear to be soaked through.

And he’s about to go tumbling back over the edge, but they reach him just in time, each grabbing one of his hands and pulling him down into their waiting arms. They embrace Yoshi tightly, so tightly that he must be struggling to breathe. He’s gasping for air, but not because of how tightly he’s being held. His members came for him. They love him. He can hardly believe that he almost threw himself away, that he almost left them.

And when Hyunsuk and Junghwan pull him into the living room, cold and shivering and soaked all the way through with rain, Haruto and Jeongwoo gasp and run to embrace him as well. Jihoon almost drops his phone and throws his arms tightly around his younger brother. They throw a whole pile of towels and blankets (and loving arms) around him. Mashiho and Junkyu walk in and gasp, rushing to hug the boy as well.

Yoshi is almost dry by the time the other four members get home, and of course they too throw their arms around him, expressing their worry and concern and love. Yoshi’s not sure if Hyunsuk and Junghwan have told the others about what happened on the roof, but he’s almost certain they must have figured it out anyway.

Not wanting to separate for the night, some of the members pull their mattresses into the middle of the living room and set up one large bed for all of them. When they lay down, Yoshi is in the middle, being held tightly by Junghwan on one side, and Jeongwoo on the other. The rest of the members are on their other sides, all cuddled together. They don’t talk about what happened, that’s a conversation for the morning, when everyone is calmer and feeling better.

Sitting here in the middle of his members, his family, practically being crushed, Yoshi should feel suffocated, but his lungs have never felt more filled with air. He’s never felt so loved, so cared for. He closes his eyes, letting the exhaustion overtake him, and he falls into a darkness, one that won’t last forever.


End file.
